I'm not really sure how to begin this post other than that fear has made itself at home in my head and my heart. All of the "what ifs" swirl around in my mind, taunting me for hours. I've had a lot of trouble sleeping, which hadn't been a problem for me since college. I used sleeping pills then, and slowly, with my therapist's and doctor's supervision, weened myself off them.
But that tossing and turning, can't fall asleep or stay asleep has returned with a vengeance. I'm having nightmares, really strange nightmares. And maybe it's that I've been fighting a sinus infection, but let's be serious, that's not keeping me up at night. It's fear.
Fear of the future, fear of the past, and a great fear of the unknown. If you asked me if I was afraid of anything, I'd either respond with scorpions or a blatant lie of nothing at all. So as I write this that I'm admitting that I have fears.
I've convinced myself that these fears are normal and natural, which I'm sure they are, but you never know. I guess knowing that life is going to change creates some fear in me that I didn't expect to show up at my doorstep, so now it's just time to figure out how to kick it out of my life or live with it.
Now that I've admitted my fear, I need to accept it for what it is in order to move forward.
Has fear ever found itself a home in you?