When this post originally came to my mind, I thought of titling it as "On Defining Myself as a Writer," but that's not the whole truth. The whole truth is that as much as I don't want to, I care what other people think. Yes, I give a damn, and it messes with my head, probably a little too much.
When I announced back in August that I landed my dream job, I didn't realize how true that was until now when I come home physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, but most importantly, happy. Really, truly happy. However, recently, I've found myself in social situations where I say excitedly and proudly where I work and what I do, and the response degrades my enthusiasm...and my pride.
Besides my full-time 10 to 6 career, I define myself as a writer. (I am published, you know!) And as I listened to a conversation over the weekend, I heard one person comment on how their friend, "a writer," had recently published a book, which I think is very cool. But it was the way that this person said the word writer, as though that wasn't a career or that it wasn't something acceptable to be, that this got under my skin. So I kept quiet about how I'm in the midst of writing a novel or that I'm already published.
My mind has mulled over these specific moments countless times. Getting those looks of "how cute" or "how nice for you" when I tell people about my career has made me feel inferior, unaccomplished and, worst of all, insecure. But why? Why should I care what someone in passing thinks of my job, my career, my passion? Honestly, I don't know, but I do.
So as much as I would love to say, oh I don't care what other people think of me, I do care. Will these thoughts and looks change my career path and passion? No. But I have let them get to me? Probably a little too much. Maybe if I focus on just being, I won't focus on caring so much, but I think that will be a forever work in progress.
I am a writer. I'm proud to be a writer. I'm proud of where I work and what I do. And I will try my hardest not to let what other people think of that get to me.