If you're like me, a happy medium requires work. Some of you may think, you're crazy! Why in the world do you need work at finding a happy place? Well six years ago when I sat across from my therapist Cory, he took out a piece of paper and drew two lines: one that looked like giant rolling hills and one that went straight through the middle. That middle line is where many aspire to live their lives, but it's not realistic, especially for a passionate and emotional person like me.
That middle line is an unrealistic place for a happy medium. I'm not expected to be, nor do I want to be that flat line in the middle. I feel too much to think that I'll always just be one steady emotion. And it took me a long time to find that place and understand what it means for me since everyone's happy medium is different.
For me, the happy medium is living in the moment. Stopping to take a breath and appreciate that very moment. Often, I lose control and let my mind and emotions spiral off the deep end. That's when I need to take one minute, hour or day at a time, and not worry about everything else. I just need to remember that no matter the situation, it's not the end of the world.
Yesterday afternoon, while walking the dog, I found myself riding the extreme rolling hills of emotion again.
How did I get here? Is this because I didn't go running this morning? How am I going to get everything done? What do I need to finish today? What time will I need to leave on Saturday to make the train for the race? I can't wait to meet B in real life afterwards. Will she like me? Where did that black boot? I think the bathroom needs cleaning again. Do I still have a doctor's appointment tomorrow? Crap, I still need to email my PT. How did I end back at this point of feeling so happy one minute then near tears the next? How come I'm so frustrated? How come I feel like I'm being stretched too thin? Wasn't it just Monday that I took a mental health day that refreshed my mind and body? How did I get here?
And when I finished my inner-dialogue, I got back in my car, rolled the windows down and turned up the new Mumford & Sons CD. The fresh air on my face brought me down off my ledge to give me focus for when I stepped back into the office. Once I jumped back into my work for the day, my mind seemed to settle. And I was in my happy place. (Yes, work is a happy place for me.) Before I knew it, it was time to go home, and my mind raced yet again.
Fortunately, one of the easiest ways for me to level back out to the happy medium is to go for a run. So off Louie and I went in the dark for 3.5 miles of jogging in the crisp air. Something about the pavement, the wind, even the snot running from my nose brought me closer to the steady flat line. I finished the day with making homemade pizza and browsing Pinterest on the couch next to M and Louie.
I'm not really sure what my original intent was for this post, and you probably are thinking I'm crazy after that conversation I had with myself. But I wanted to get back to the honesty of my posts; some real writing for a change. Even if absolutely no one can relate to how extreme moments of stress and worry can take me to a low, but a great afternoon of work can take me to a super high, I'm simply being honest.
I'm still learning that I have to work at my happiness, so sometimes I just need a little wake up call and reminder that finding my happy medium is just as important as making sure I get everything done that I want to accomplish. Happy medium, I've found you again...at least temporarily.