August 18 was the last time I went for a run. That's 59 days ago. Or 8 weeks. Or 1,392 hours. Or over 5 million seconds. That's not so bad, you might think. Wrong. Not in my mind. For someone who loves running, who's passionate about lacing up my shoes at any hour in any climate, it's not okay.
M's already faced the wrath that is Amanda when she's ordered to rest. And although I appear positive on the outside, on the inside I'm battling something major: envy.
It almost figures that envy is literally in my bones; my stress reaction-ed cuboid bone to be exact. I have a bitterness inside me that I do not like. And though I appear chipper about this injury, I am not. Every time I read a tweet about someone running NYCM, there's a stir in my bones that I do not enjoy being present. And as much as I fight the reality that this year wasn't my year, I'm envious of all my running friends who get to conquer the 26.2 miles, no matter whether it's their first time or fifth.
It pains me that I feel this way because I am not this person. I am positive, look-on-the-bright-side type of girl, so if you ask me what happened to my foot you'll get the:
"It's a stress fracture...from running. I was training for the New York City Marathon. Don't worry, I get to run it next year!" But even as I smile through my teeth and feel frustrated with every stare, every question, every look of pity, the reality is: it's not that bad. And thus I feel guilty for whining about how hard this has been for me because it could be a hell of a lot worse.
So how did I get to this post where I'm sharing about my frustrations with the lack of running? How did I come to admit that I'm battling envy? Because I'm bringing back the focus in my blog.
Meg wrote this post about what blogging has become, and it hit home. My dear friend and I email back and forth about how important actually writing is. Ruthie and TV always seems to share those deep posts that you walk away from doing some self reflection. So after reading Whitney's honest and beautifully written post that I discovered thanks to Sarah, how could I not start re-evaluating my blog? Or more importantly, this young woman behind the blog?
And there you have it. I'm battling envy lately, and now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm feeling a little better.
Do you battle envy?