Day 24: The Worst of Me {Every Day May}

Taken last August by my friend Sarah

I hate today's assignment. I don't hate a lot of things, but I hate today's. I'm already hypercritical of myself, but then to have to sit down and share the top three worst traits about me...well that just sucks. I asked M the other night about what he thought my top three were, one of which happened to be my ADD. He hadn't read that blog post yet though. So here goes...

I'm emotional. I try to justify this as me being super passionate and full of life, but in reality, I'm a simply an emotional person. I cry at anything, happy or sad. I get upset over the silliest things (although this has gotten better), and I just seem to feel too much, at least by society's standards. Everything that I don't like about myself though, I try to justify. And I like to think that, in reality, I'm just passionate.

I'm bad at finishing things. I have a lot of unfinished projects. It's kind of a weird trait to list. But I have a tendency of starting things, or even planning to start things, and then not following through. I don't have this issue in the office, but in my own little world, including this blog, I'm not good at it. I have a list of things that I want to do, but haven't been done. This mostly pertains though to my writing. I'm not where I should be with my writing. And I could say that giving up writing my blog every day to write would be great for me, but I'm struggling to finish out these 31 days of blogging.

I'm too hard on myself. Whether it's how I look, making a mistake or forgetting to do something, I tend to get overly upset about it. Then I give myself a mental beating about it. I guess this ties back to my emotional trait, but I do this a lot. No one really sees or knows this about me, but I do it all the time. All. The. Time. And I think that it's just something I'll have to work on by myself. No matter how much encouraging that someone might give or reassurance that it's okay, I'm still going to be hard on myself.

And that's all I have to say about that.

We're off for the weekend for M's parents to finally meet my parents. I think it's about time since we live together and have dated for almost 2.5 years. Have a great weekend friends!

P.S. I'll still be keeping up with the Every Day May thing.

Day 23: School Won't Teach You About... {Every Day May}

I took this photo outside the library a couple months ago.

I really like today's assignment, despite the fact that so much isn't taught in school, but can be taught while at school. Does that make sense? Day 23: Things you've learned that school won't teach you. As I fell asleep last night the format and all of the things that school didn't teach me in life came trickling in, so here goes!

School won't teach you...

...about how friends come into your life for three different things: a reason, a season or a lifetime. If you're lucky, you'll have a handful of lifetime friends and they're ones you'll love with all your life. Unfortunately, the reason and season friends hurt more than you could imagine. In the end, it's helpful to define them, be hurt or sad, but then move on.

...about doing what's best for you. Sometimes you need to take action, including saying no even if you feel guilty. Or breaking up with someone who isn't good to you even if it feels wrong at the time. Or about just feeding your body and soul with things that you love. Seriously, that's doing what's best for you.

...about loss. It won't teach you about what happens when a loved one leaves this world. It won't teach you about what it feels like when the Universe pulls the carpet out from under your feet, so that you hit the floor really hard. It won't teach you about what it feels like when your heart breaks so much that it hurts to breath. It won't teach you about how months and years later that same familiar ache can come back in an instant, without warning, and bring you flying back to the moments when you first felt it.

...about how strong you can be. It won't teach you about how God gives us things because we're strong enough to handle them. It won't teach you about the strength that is inside you that all you truly understand.

...about love, true love. It won't teach you about what it's like to be in love. It won't teach you about the inexplainable butterflies that appear when you're with that person that completes you. It won't teach you about how letting yourself go and giving your heart up completely can make you happier than you ever imagined.

I think that's enough of a list. I could go on and on and on about how much school didn't teach me. But I will say that school is one of the best things that could have ever happend to a girl who loves to learn. And I will say that I am eternally grateful for my parents who supported me throughout all sixteen years of being in school and how going to Syracuse was one of those things that I'll never be able to say thank you enough for.

What do you think school doesn't teach you?

Day 22: A Rant about Nachos {Every Day May}

Jenni says to have a rant today, and so, I'm here to rant. Before last night, I had no clue what to rant about (I'm not really a rant and roar kind of person), but then I had dinner with my BFF and it came to me!

Why is it so hard for restaurants to make a good tray of nachos? I really don't think that it's all that hard considering you just smother tortilla chips with cheese. It should be shredded cheese, not the fake stuff. And it should be fully melted, not half melted. It also should have some fresh fixings and be hot out of the oven when you place it in front of me...

The problem is that it's been quite difficult to find a really good plate of nachos. Since my BFF and I first became friends, we had our go-to dinner (or lunch) dates at Thataway's. It was a restaurant in our town that served amazing nachos. A massive platter of cheese-smother nachos. Because we always ordered the same thing, I'd place the order of nachos, extra-hot, extra-cheese with the fixings on the side and a serving of their chicken tenders. It was consistent, delicious, always satisfying. Then the worst happened: they closed shop after twenty-something years.

Since then, we've hit their sister restaurant up for nachos, although it's still not quite the same, especially since they don't have outdoor seating. So last night, we figured we'd venture elsewhere to find someplace that seats outdoors, but more importantly, has nachos. Let's just say this first-attempt at a new restaurant was a big, fat fail. There was barely any cheese, barely melted and some of the cheese was fake. Not my idea of a good plate of nachos. We ended up leaving and going some place else for mozzarella sticks and a second beer. This place was much more satisfying.

Until next time, the hunt for a great platter of nachos continues...

Day 21: Posts of the Past {Every Day May}

Today, we're supposed to share some of our favorite posts from the past, so here goes...

The beginning of M and I's love story...

A favorite poem I wrote that I shared in a dark moment of mine...

On how I struggle with finding a happy medium in my life...

Announcing that I landed a dream job...

Happy reading!

Day 20: Struggles {Every Day May}

Day 20 requires us to get real and share something that we've been struggling with lately. Now, I'm going to preface this with the fact that I've self-diagnosed myself with ADD. Whether or not I actually have it is still to be determined by a doctor, but in the mean time, I want to talk about this little thing called hyperfocus, or my unbelievable ability to tune people or things out without realizing it.

According to Reference.com, hyperfocus is "is an intense form of mental concentration or visualization that focuses consciousness on a narrow subject, or beyond objective reality and onto subjective mental planes, daydreams, concepts, fiction, the imagination, and other objects of the mind."

Do you ever experience this? It can best be described as a moment when you become so fixated on something that you tune everything and everyone out. For example, M will be talking to me about something, and even though I'm staring at him or in his general direction, I can't hear a word he's saying, my mind is somewhere else. Then comes him saying my name repeatedly or him stopping talking completely for me to come back to the present conversation between the two of us. But worst of all, comes the guilt. I feel terrible for tuning him out and not paying attention to him. I'm someone who feels that in order to have a strong relationship, you must be respectful. My hyperfocusing on something other than him while we're having a conversation is not respectful.

So I'm struggling with not being the person I should or want to be. I want to be 100% attentive and a great listener. Ever since this self diagnosis, I've been much more conscious of this terrible trait (or potentially condition). I'm sorry, M. My only hope is that by writing all of this down, I'll be even more active in my attempt to not do this.

Does anyone else hyperfocus?